These Are The 126 Pubs Closed For Flouting Covid Guidelines, So You Know They’re Good For A Session

AS MANY as 126 pubs have been sanctioned by authorities for flouting Covid-19 related restrictions, prompting a shocked and appalled Irish public to carefully make a note of the pubs in question with a future session in mind. Brazen pubs eagerly opening in defiance rules and guidelines are reasonably assumed to be the exact sort… Read more »

Gardaí Shut Down Meat Factory Pub Operating As A School

AUTHORITIES’ worst fears in relation to a lack of compliance with Covid-19 guidelines have been realised after gardaí discovered a meat factory serving substantial meals to pint-drinking school children. “Oh God, this is exactly the kind of scenario we wanted to avoid,” confirmed one NPHET official, head in hands. With recent clusters emerging in meat… Read more »

Taoiseach Replaces Varadkar’s Face Mask With A Muzzle

ROLLING his eyes towards the heavens yet again Taoiseach Micheál Martin has ordered government officials to restrain Tánaiste Leo Varadkar so he can swap out his face mask for a muzzle, WWN understands. “If you’re not undermining me and the government by leaking every-fucking-thing to the press you’re tweeting about how middle class white guys… Read more »

“It Really Works!” We Speak To Russia’s Covid-19 Vaccine Volunteers

CALLING a press conference to confirm Russia has ‘successfully developed’ a rushed through Covid-19 vaccine for which he has provided no proof of its supposed effectiveness, leader-for-life Vladimir Putin presented a series of successful vaccine volunteers to Russian state media. Delivering remarkable first-person testimonies of the miracle vaccine while lying in stiff horizontal positions, the… Read more »

Tipp Girl Wearing County Jersey Everywhere

DETERMINED not to let the coronavirus pandemic come between her and her public adoration of her county team, Tipperary woman and die-hard supporter, Anne Phelan has vowed to proudly wear her Tipp jersey everywhere she goes. Despite all hurling fixtures being rescheduled for November, Phelan’s own biological GAA clock was hesitant to change, defiantly opting… Read more »

2021 To Be Fast-tracked By 4 Months

DOZENS of World leaders met in Geneva, Switzerland last night for a rare but positive meeting into the fast tracking the year 2021, bringing it forward by four months in the hopes of boosting the planet’s morale and finally saying goodbye to the worst year in living memory, 2020. Taking just 14 minutes to deliberate,… Read more »