Dilemma As World Forced To Take Sides As Two Paedophile Protecting Institutions Continue Online Spat

“DON’T MAKE ME choose, eating glass is preferable to either of these options” confirmed one local man as he learned that two of the pre-eminent protectors of paedophiles, the Catholic Church and the Trump White House, were engaged in an online beef over Donald Trump’s actions against Iran, Cuba and Venezuela among other nations.

Tensions increased as Trump posted an image of himself as Jesus Christ on his Truth Social platform, offending many Catholics around the world.

“My initial and immediate urge is to side with the guy calling for peace but then I remember Irish religious orders still owe €755mn in redress payments for abuse victims and that the Vatican bank has over €6bn in assets that we know of,” confirmed another person reluctant to take a side.

“This is like being asked which of your newly divorced parents you want to live with but the parents are Fred and Rose West,” added another person, who finds Trump’s concealing of the Epstein files almost as objectionable as the ‘controversies’ section of the Catholic Church on Wikipedia.

“As a recent convert to Catholicism, I don’t think there can be any doubt as to whose side I’m taking; fuck the Pope, I support Jeffrey Epstein’s bestie,” confirmed JD Vance.

As the spat continues, some experts question the true origins and source of Trump’s displeasure at Pope Leo’s peace-advocating interjections.

“I dunno, Trump could be jealous; like no matter how hard he protects himself, Epstein and his inner circle he’ll never protect as many abusers as the Church,” offered one online beef expert.