Martin Urges Party Members To Wait Until They’re In Power Before Acting The Bollocks

FIANNA FAIL leader Michael Martin has urged party members to ‘wait until they’re in power before acting the bollocks’ following revelations that some TDs were illegally voting on behalf of their absent colleagues. Mr Martin asked Timmy Dooley and Niall Collins to step down from their frontbench positions yesterday afternoon after Collins admitted to voting on behalf of Dooley… Read more »

Shitshow Upgraded To Festival Of Faeces

THE NEWS is ever changing. Conflicting reports everywhere. Boris Johnson has agreed a deal with the EU and has become Britain’s hero in their darkest hour, securing a deal that finally ensures economic self-harm and poorer living standards for the already poor in Britain. The DUP, however, has in a surprising turn said ‘No’ to something… Read more »

Cat Drags In Arlene Foster

LICKING its filthy paws to rid itself of that God awful mothball smell from its latest catch, the metaphorical cat looked up apologetically after dragging in what appeared to be DUP leader Arlene Foster, before leaving the unwanted catch on the nation’s doorstep. “Gays, women’s choice over their own bodies; what do you think you’re playing at?” the squirming mass slithered… Read more »

Offending The Chinese Government, A Guide

DO YOU have any idea how hard it is out there running a thinly veiled dictatorship with an appalling record on human rights and civil liberties that often uses violence to suppress dissent? It’s not easy; just ask China. Recently banning South Park for making fun of its leader Xi Jinping, the Chinese government also… Read more »