“Bitch, Take My Name Out Of Your Mouth”: Jesus Issues Rebuttal To Trump, Vance

JESUS CHRIST, Son of the Almighty, has waded into the dispute between the Trump administration and the Catholic Church, warning the US president and his vice-president to refrain from invoking his name or misrepresenting his teachings.

“I know you bitches aren’t talking like you know me,” confirmed Mr Christ (33), clearly angered by Trump sharing an image of the Republican being hugged by Him.

“Sure, I’d touch and heal a leper but Lord/me knows what nasty ass diseases I’d catch if I touched you. I would simply never,” added God’s only son, registering his distaste at being put in an image with the US president.

“You won’t need any bronzer where you’re going, there’s going to be plenty of heat,” Mr Christ added in a rare social media comment below Trump’s latest Truth Social post.

JD Vance, who urged the Pope to stick to matters of faith rather than voice his objection to war, did not escape the wrath of the Lord.

“Talk smack about the Pope and get smacked, this body of Christ is going to body slam you into next week. And don’t think I’ve forgotten the last Pope died after meeting you,” continued the Lord.

Devoting his barbs largely to the Trump administration, Mr Christ still found time to weigh in on other matters.

“Women priests? C’mon Leo, who gives a shit, what’s the big deal?” the Saviour added.