Sack Of Gangrenous Puss Announces MEP Bid

A LARGE sack of gangrenous puss grown in a lab by scientists has announced its bid for the European Elections, WWN reports.

The putrid pile of steaming infection has been tipped by bookies to gain a seat after the scientists revealed it could also spout right-leaning soundbites on command and already has a huge following online since its growth.

“We programmed it to use keywords and phrases like ‘unvetted military aged males’ and within minutes it had reached over two hundred thousand followers on Telegram, so we then put it forward for selection to become a candidate it the MEP elections and voila,” lead scientist behind the project Adolf O’Brien told WWN.

Competing with a range of similar candidates from across the country, the foul-smelling bag of festering puss will have a tough race but is confident it will do well this July.

“Black Muslim transgender grooming paedophile gangs with barbed penises,” the gangrenous bag uttered from its opening, which resembled a skydiver’s mouth, “Irish for the Ireland… cheese grater replacement… climate spare change please… two euro for the bus… let’s all wear camo and be racist in the woods while secretly having homoerotic thoughts”.

“Ahem… obviously, we’re having some teething problems with its vocab, but we’re pretty confident spluttering incoherent soundbites that only a simpleton could derive meaning from won’t hurt Puss Bag’s chances at all,” inventor O’Brien concluded.