Judge Recognises Diarmuid Connolly From Somewhere, Can’t Put Finger On It

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A JUDGE who cruelly denied former Dublin footballer Diarmuid Connolly an Assault-Star award by saving him from a criminal conviction for carrying out an assault on two men is convinced could she knows Connolly from somewhere.

“It’s not the football thing, it feel like something work related maybe, can’t quite put my finger on it,” confirmed judge Michelle Finan.

Court staff reported feeling a similarly eerie sensation, remarking that seeing Connolly in the dock gave them an odd feeling of déjà vu but that it’s ‘probably nothing’.

Pledging to pay his latest victims €1,000 each, an accountant friend of Connolly advised him to start putting aside a percentage of income each month if he wants to have enough compensation money when the next one rolls around.

Meanwhile, those running the anger management course Connolly went on as part of a successful bid to avoid a jail sentence and criminal conviction the last time he assaulted someone in an unprovoked attack in 2014 have been asked to consider revising the contents of its course, because it clearly doesn’t work.

UPDATE: Court staff have unveiled a dedicated parking space for Connolly so coming to court the next he receives whatever a step down for a slap on the wrists is, isn’t such an inconvenience.

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