An Irish Deli Worker’s Guide To Making A Roll

PREPARING a roll for starving lunch breakers can be one of the most important positions a person can have in society; you’re responsible for their mid-work nutrients and thus one of if not the most important people in their lives. Such is the vital nature of this role, WWN has put together this handy guide to making the key source of sustenance.

Ask The Customer What They Want But Never Listen To The Answer

Listening to what the customer wants is a big no-no in deli roll making. You’re not a bar person who can take several drinks orders at once without a mistake here, you’re an Irish deli worker and there are standards to adhere to. Ask them what they’d like in their roll before cutting the roll and asking them again several more times with each ingredient. This way you’ll always get the placing order of the ingredients wrong.

Put The Protein In Last So It Flops Out When Opened

Ham, chicken, beef, whatever the fucking meat is, make sure it’s on top of all the other poorly misplaced items in the customers roll. At 7 quid a pop they’ll love you for it. Why not put the grated cheese in first while you’re at it, or if they’re meat-free, leaving the lettuce last so it spills all over the place. Whatever you do, never make a deli roll for a customer like you’re making it for yourself. Leave all logic at home with your morals.

Plaster The Roll In Butter

Train your ear to ignore the request ‘just a tiny bit please’ as this could contribute to your customer’s good health. This also should be the case for mayo, southwest sauce, sweet chilli sauce and all condiments which will lead to a saggy-ass roll when opened. Cake that shit on like there’s no tomorrow or detrimental health consequences.

Never Ask If They Want Anything Else Before Swiftly Moving On To The Next Customer

Obviously.