“How Quick Can You Get Those Rwandan Flights Up & Running?” McEntee Asks Sunak

AFTER CONFIRMING before an Oireachtas committee that 80% of asylum applicants in Ireland come from the UK via Northern Ireland, Minister for Justice Helen McEntee has been straight on the phone to Downing St to inquire about those flights to Rwanda.

While British PM Rishi Sunak has finally passed a bill allowing his government to begin sending asylum seekers to Rwanda, what was once seen as a sign of the Tory’s moral failure and indignant malice is now a lifeline for governing Irish political parties looking to move the dial back in a more right-wing direction.

“What do you mean ‘give you a chance’, the bill was passed yesterday, why don’t you have every foreigner north of Louth going through their pre-flight safety briefing? Oxygen masks are above your head, Rwanda’s human rights record is patchy, best of luck,” pleaded McEntee, exploring any option that will take some heat off her department.

“Anyone brave enough to risk being in a Godforsaken place like Northern Ireland has earned avoiding Rwanda in my book,” said Sunak in official correspondence with the Dept. of Justice.

Elsewhere, the Irish public has been told to prepare itself for an onslaught of slack-jawed European Election candidates who look they’re wearing their father’s suit to suggest the time has come to build a wall along the border.

“The only thing more terrifying than the 10 foot tall asylum seekers in my imagination with knives for teeth and groping hands for eyes is the same foreigners with a Nordie accent,” confirmed one candidate running for the Fecking Foreigners! political party.