Netanyahu Bins ‘Not To Be Used In War Crimes’ Note Attached To $17bn US Funding


BENJAMIN NETANYAHU immediately discarded a note attached to $17bn in US ‘wartime funding’ to Israel which said ‘please, pretty please, don’t use all this death-causing military hardware to y’know, kill people. Thanks, Joe’, WWN can reveal.

Anticipating such a blithe disregard by Netanyahu for the wishes of its closest ally, US president Joe Biden attached ‘no seriously, would be great if you didn’t use these weapons of carnage in war crimes, totally wouldn’t have sent them if I knew you’d bomb another hospital or ten’ note to each bomb.

The aid package has seen a renewed scrutiny of Biden’s age, with many young left-wing voters asking themselves ‘was this fucking idiot born yesterday?’ when it comes to the trust he places in an Israeli government filled with far-right nationalists.

However, Biden defended Congress passing the funding package which also included $65bn to Ukraine.

“And to all the haters, this bill includes $9bn in humanitarian aid relief to Gazans. This way, if AKA when the Israeli government drops $17bn worth of military hardware on Palestine, whoever is left will get some rice or something, this is how the US wins hearts and minds and achieves peace, checkmate dumbasses,” Biden explained.