The Liverpool & Arsenal Fans’ Guide To Clutching At Straws


A PAIR of defeats at a critical time in the title race has handed Manchester City the advantage with an unprecented four-in-a-row looking the likely outcome, but if you’re a fan of deluded clutching of straws then all is not lost.

WWN Sports has collected a series of plus points, positive signs and reassuring thoughts that this title race is far from over and City will unravel like the mentally fragile and under resourced team that they are not:

Maybe the outbreak of World War III will see the league suspended like it was during WWII, and by the time things start back up Guardiola will be 91 and all the current City squad will be retired.

“Any day now we’ll have a judgement on those 115 FFP charges… oh who am I kidding we bottled this!”

There’s a lot of football left to be played, City good end up winning the league by such a margin that people forget this was ever a three-way title race to begin with.

“In terms of XT, Expected Titles, statistically speaking we were never in the running but you won’t see that mentioned by all the trolls”.

Instead of diverting all his fuck-up energy to hosting sex worker orgies in hotels, Kyle Walker finally makes a costly mistake on an actual football pitch.

“Hear me out, what if all of Man City’s first 11 get injured, and then their replacement 11 which is better than 99% of Europe also get injured, and then the 11 Phil Foden clones they’re growing in a lab aren’t ready in time?”

Only a fool would back Man City to get a result in their last game of the season against human parked-bus David Moyes.

Man City will be docked 10 points after the 11-year-old FIFA wizard is unmasked as controlling the AI powdered robot that is Haaland.

Giving in to the sentimentality of the occasion Man City decline the league trophy, split it in half and give it those less fortunate in 2nd and 3rd place.

“If Real Madrid beat them 47-0 in the Champion’s League, City’s confidence will be so shot that they might concede a goal at some point in their remaining PL fixtures”.

Hastily arrange the transfer of Harry Kane to Man City.