“Any Free Tickets?” Man Asks Friend Organising Fundraiser Event


LIKE clockwork, local man Damien Lyons has slid into the DMs of friend and events organiser Mary Holden to see if there are any free tickets to the charity fundraising event she’s organising to raise as he ‘absolutely loves’ the acts she has booked.

Mere seconds after she posted the event online, freeloader Lyons opened with his usual “where do I get tickets for this?” line, followed quickly with him just blatantly asking for free passes.

“Myself and Linda haven’t had a night out in ages,” said Lyons, emotionally blackmailing his friend, who only saw the pair hammered last Saturday at a free wine tasting in the local off-licence. “We don’t have the kids that night either. Looks like it will be great craic. Fair play for organising it”.

Despite the fact the event clearly states all proceeds will go towards brain surgery for a child suffering from cancer, Lyons toyed with the idea of inviting his friends in the hopes of giving back.

“I can ask Terry and June too if you have two more spare, they’re minted and will definitely throw a few quid on the raffle,” Lyons added to his thread, not intending to contribute anything himself as showing his face and providing morale support for his friend Mary is ‘charity enough’.

“Fuck off Damien, this is a charity gig; if you want to go buy some fucking tickets then here’s the link – I’m up to me hoop here,” Holden replied, now sick of his shit.

“Actually, no worries, Mary, just remembered Linda has a hair appointment – totally forgot – catch you soon for a coffee though, my shout,” Lyons promised, knowing full well he only contacts friends when he needs something.