Music Critic Under Police Protection After Giving Negative 9.9/10 Review To New Taylor Swift Album


A MEMBER of the music press is said to be fearing for their lives after becoming the target of threats from Taylor Swift fans are giving the music star’s new album a blisteringly negative review.

“Lyrical masterpiece after lyrical masterpiece,” read an extract from the 9.9/10 ‘hatchet job’ review journalist Clara Heller composed for online music publication Velvet Sounds which has so incensed Swifties.

In the wake of Heller’s unduly venomous review which called The Tortured Poets Department ‘era-defining’, armed police have maintained a steady presence outside her apartment and have safely detonated several bombs in controlled explosions.

“I dunno, sort of sounds like to me that she deserves it, who calls Taylor’s production ‘magisterial, a lush dream brought to life like no one else can’ and expects zero backlash?” said one fan wearing a vest with an improvised explosive device on it, who was arrested outside Heller’s home earlier this morning.

Police have said a retroactive attempt by Velvet Sounds to edit the review and award an additional 0.1 to the review only served to further antagonise a rabid sect of Swift’s most devout followers.

“I think everyone just needs to take a beat, and let things mellow. Sure, some people will say Clara obviously needs to issue a notes app apology to Swifties, but in practical terms getting surgery to change what she looks like, a new identity and fleeing the country is the easier option,” shared one detective on the scene.