“Someone Please Help Me!” Man Who Ran Length Of Africa Unable To Stop


“JUST shoot me in the legs or something,” pleaded athlete Russ Cook today after reaching his goal of running the length of Africa.

Despite celebrations all round, the “Hardest Geezer” urged spectators to do something to stop his legs from running another 16,000km.

“It’s great that I raised £600k for charity, but seriously I’d rather death than go back all this way again – I just can’t stop these pair of bastards running,” Cook was heard shouting as people cheered him on, “seriously, someone please help me, I’m in agony here… arghhh.. my fucking legs… arghhh”.

Cook, from Worthing, West Sussex, was initially joined by supporters as he crossed the finish line in Ras Angela, Tunisia, before then failing to stop at the finish line and continuing on past awaiting fans and family members there to celebrate his world record.

“He just kept going like Forrest Gump, screaming at people to put an end to it,” one spectator recalled the historic moment, “he’s gone now to God knows where and I guess he’s going to come back around again whether he likes it or not”.