Politicians Actually Quite Enjoying Using Human Beings As Political Pawns

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GOVERNMENT politicians hailing from Ireland and the UK have admitted that it is ‘tremendous fun’ trying to score cheap political points using ‘migrants’, sometimes referred to as ‘human beings’.

“Ah you can’t beat it, a few days ago people were talking about how this government presides over the sort of health service that sees a teenager left to die waiting for care in an A&E, but just listen to the people now,” said one Irish government spokesperson cupping their ears to better hear chants of ‘get them out, Irish for the Irish, we will not be replaced, pedo scum’.

“It’s amazing the heat you can take off yourselves by just leaving a scapegoat be burned instead, we mean that figuratively obviously… for now at least”.

The coalition government confirmed making a big show of moving asylum seekers from Mount Street isn’t the same as building those six state-owned reception centres they promised, properly resourcing immigration services or reducing waiting times on applications, however, they pointed out it does further toxify online comment sections.

Similarly, the flailing Tory government have thanked the Irish government for giving their universally criticised Rwanda policy a timely PR boost and distracting from a decade plus of scandals.

“Do you know how many Tory MPs have been embroiled in sex abuse scandals this year? No, you don’t and we have this little farce of a border ding-dong to thank for that haha,” confirmed a Tory spokesperson, who said if both sides could find a way to blame transgender people for this somehow, it would be appreciated.

“I get to say ‘respect our borders’ in my big boy voice, they get to say ‘you wanted no border on the island of Ireland’. God, I feel so important and serious,” explained Taoiseach Simon Harris.

Elsewhere, the responding media have confirmed that migrants, migrants, migrants, migrant, migrants, migrants and migrants.

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