Resigning Scottish First Minister Lasts 8.1 Liz Trusses


THERE was a quiet and understated fist pump of celebration amidst the considerable embarrassment that is the resignation of Scotland’s First Minister Humza Yousaf, as the SNP man took some solace in the fact he lasted a whole 8.1 Liz Trusses.

“They can say what they like about you Humza pal, but you’re no Lettuce Loser,” Yousaf said, counselling himself on the heft of his political legacy which unlike former British PM Liz Truss, technically lasted past the standard work probationary period.

“You may have covered your career in batter and dipped it in a deep fat fryer but when people Google ‘biggest shat the bed in political office’ it’ll be that heid the baw that comes up with her pork markets and her crashing the economy, not you,” Yousaf added, dedicating an inordinate amount of time to reassuring himself he was not the Liz Truss of Scottish First Ministers.

Losing support after ending his party’s pact with the Green party which had enabled the SNP to govern, Yousaf was left with egg on his face but showed his political acumen in resigning before the Daily Star could get a decaying leaf vegetable on a livestream.

“You dinnae tank the economy to be fair, but did ye get thanks for that? Did ye fuck,” Yousaf concluded, prompting London based papers in a country that has had 5 prime minister in 8 years to accuse Scotland of being a basket case in disarray, and US Twitter users to declare a victory against transgender globalist communism.