Asylum Seekers Entering Ireland Via N. Ireland Asked To Pick Up Crates Of Beer On Way Down


AS THE PUBLIC attempts to wrap its head around the intricacies of having no border on the island of Ireland and how the UK government’s mendacious Rwandan flights policy affects migration, a section of the public are already seeing the advantages.

“I’ve no issue with ye starting your asylum application process in Ireland as long as you can get a crate of Bud for me in Sainsburys, cheers,” confirmed one of the thousands of Irish people now actively seeking out asylum seekers in Northern Ireland and sending off licence based requests.

“Yeah, yeah, your brother is in jail for opposing the government, my sympathies c’mere pick us up a crate or nine of that £4 wine you do be seeing in Asda and sure we’re bound to know a solicitor who can help you with your case,” pleaded the Book Club Association of Ireland.

Saving on petrol and time costs which make a trip up north to stock up on significantly cheaper booze less appealing, the Dial-An-Asylum-Seeker off licence service could prove one of the most lucrative cross border business ventures since fugitive hiding and JCB ATM removal specialists.

“Will you go to the dentist for me while you’re there ‘n all, cheap as chips compared to the rip off down here I can tell you that much,” asked one member of the public, showing there are a number of benefits to the simmering diplomatic spat between the Irish and UK governments.