Uncle Tony & Auntie Mary Always Banging On About Cuckolding At Sex Parties

MAD uncle Tony and his equally depraved wife Mary are off on one again about their dutch sex party escapades like it was discussing the gospel after Sunday mass, WWN has learned.

“Big huge black thing it was the size of a babies leg,” Mary could be heard describing God knows what to shocked relatives at Saoirse’s confirmation party last week, before disappearing to the jacks with recently divorced Patrick Ryan for a good 12 minutes at least.

The pair, renowned for their wild weekends away generously donated €1,000 in a card for 11-year-old Saoirse, which admittedly is one of the only reasons parents Janet and Mark Riordan invites them to family get-togethers anymore

“Once you get past the cuckolding talk, the constant sexual innuendos, the explicit public displays of affection and get used to looking at their chronic cold sores, they’re a decent auld pair all the same,” said the Riordans explaining their reasoning as they ushered the children to sit at the table in the far corner of the bar where they’ll be ‘more comfortable’.

“The seven of us couldn’t pull the thing out for love nor money, you can imagine the doctors faces when they saw it was a two-litre bottle of Lourdes water – we just said he sat on it,” Mary told the horrified table, before tucking into a handful of cocktail sausages and asking what everyone is doing later after the pub.