Surgery To Free Man From His GAA Training Top Unsuccessful

DESPITE the best efforts of a leading medical team at St Vincent’s Hospital in Dublin, a 39-hour surgery has ended in failure as a Meath man remained trapped in his GAA training top.

“You think I wear this everyday by choice? What lunatic wears the one GAA top into work, training, dinner with the missus, the school run, funerals, weddings, the whole gambit of social occasions? This is a living, waking nightmare, get it off me now,” Meath man Gerry Reardon was heard telling family members in the run up the surgery which has sadly not achieved the desired outcome.

The surgery was initially complicated by the fact the patient couldn’t remove his clothing when donning a gown, and tempers flared as despite being under heavy anesthetic Reardon instinctively lashed out at anyone trying take the top off his body such was the severity of his GAA based loyalty and pride.

“It has formed a type of symbiosis with Reardon and therefore to separate them could risk killing him, it’s like were Reardon to the take it off he would cease to be himself, there would be nothing left, no definition to his being,” explained exhausted surgeon Dr Ranbir Khan.

The last known photo of Reardon without his local club’s GAA training top on dates back to his baptism, with people unsure if the top grew in size with the 32-year-old as he aged or if it shed like snakeskin only to emerge in a renewed and strong coating.

“I just feel guilty I suppose,” shared a visibly dejected Reardon, “I have this sneaking suspicion I’m contagious; all the lads on the team, the coaches, my sons, they’ve got this bastard affliction too and maybe I gave it to them,” added Reardon now donning a second GAA top in a hope of tricking the first top into loosening its grip on him.