Libyan General Demands Money Back After Irish Soldiers Incapable Of Training For Actual Combat

THE ROGUE Libyan general who was revealed by the Irish Times to be paying retired and serving Irish soldiers to train his army has demanded an immediate return of moneys paid, citing ‘you wouldn’t know a war zone if it saddled up to you and tickled your fanny’ as his reasons for qualifying for a refund.

“What do you mean you’ve never fired a gun?” an angered General Khalifa Haftar said to former Irish army personnel turned paid goons after they confirmed the best they could do, training wise, was to teach Libyan militia men to run through some tyres and over a fence, and recite the 1916 Proclamation in front of the GPO every Easter.

Haftar, a man responsible for carrying out summary executions and having a hand in the human trafficking trade, is said to be incensed because, despite listing ‘weapons training’ in his order, his men have instead been trained in giving someone a fair whack of a hurl.

“He might be a murderous thug and a tyrant with an unquenchable thirst for blood and power but at least he pays us well unlike the Irish state,” confirmed one former soldier, who couldn’t tell Haftar’s men the best way to cut an enemy’s head off no matter how many times they asked.

The Irish soldiers could face criminal charges for training a Libyan army other than the one given millions by the EU and UN to patrol the coastline and prevent refugees crossings to Europe via a method known as ‘dishing out violence and human rights abuses’.

“Why can’t these Irish lads just pretend to be hard men on some RTÉ reality show or deliver meaningless over-priced motivational workshops to sales teams like normal former-soldiers?” queried a spokesperson from the Department of Defence.