Survey Reveals Nation’s Mothers Just Want A Bit Of Fucking Peace

A NATIONWIDE survey of the nation’s mothers has confirmed that their only desire this mother’s day is to be left alone.

“Go away and stop annoying me, even on Mother’s Day you’re at me,” confirmed one mother as her adult children insisted on calling round to the house to say hello.

As many as absolutely every respondent to the survey expressed a desire for complete quietude and an uninterrupted rest, something only 3% of mothers will actually get. Expressions of gratitude from children that involve intense planning and significant cost are completely unwanted and would pale in comparison to mothers just being ‘left the fuck alone’.

“Ah, isn’t that lovely, a glittery paint-covered card that probably has the carpet fucking ruined, thanks love,” confirmed one mother besieged by her children at 6am Sunday morning, screaming and shouting ‘happy Mother’s Day’.

“I even booked myself a spa away last year and then my dickhead daughters surprised me at lunch, followed me down to the hotel and all they did, like fucking stalkers. If I tattooed a hint on them lot, it’d wash off,” another surly mother confirmed.

Elsewhere, some 70% of mothers who successfully carve out just one hour of ‘peace’ expect it to be interrupted by their husbands explaining how he only took his ‘eye off the kids for a minute but long story short do we have a fire extinguisher in the house?’