THE Road Safety Authority has issued a nationwide traffic warning today urging motorists not to flock to their local Applegreen after the company launched a new reduced-to-clear pump causing a Black Friday type frenzy, WWN has learned. Already stretched ambulance crews echoed the calls as injured people were scattered across forecourts following rioting and mass… Read more »
EVER sat down to watch a new season of your favourite TV show only to find that you don’t really remember who’s who and what’s going on? That’s why ‘previously on…’ recaps come in so handy, and now they’re being implemented in workplaces around Ireland to help ease people into the New Year. Providing essential… Read more »
ELON MUSK has once again been on the receiving end of sympathy and support after heartless Twitter users shared the current location of his plane using publicly available information relating to planes and flight paths. Images circulated by several accounts revealed Musk’s current location to be somewhere up his own asshole, but what seems like… Read more »
THE arrest of Sam Bankman Fried, CEO of cryptocurrency exchange firm FTX, in the Bahamas for one of the biggest financial frauds in history has signaled the snuffing out of the digital currency sector’s first, only and last scam artist, sources close to the industry have confirmed. “It’s not often an industry gets cleaned up… Read more »
DESPITE tears pouring from his eyes like stock value leaving Tesla shares, Elon Musk has categorically denied becoming upset in any way by being on the receiving end of thousands of people booing him as he took to the stage at a show held by former comedian Dave Chappelle. “On an unrelated note I will… Read more »
IPHONE users are being incentivised to install the latest software update with the promise of being given the chance to spare one Chinese child from back breaking and unforgiving shifts on an Apple iPhone assembly line. “Some people like their phone’s operating system the way it is and fear change, so we were wracking our… Read more »
DESPITE the best efforts of Twitter’s remaining engineers, new owner Elon Musk has discovered the giant plug that connects the social media network to the internet and just will not stop fidgeting with the damned thing. “Mr. Musk. Elon, friend. Buddy. Just leave it be, man, it’s nothing you need to worry about,” pleaded one… Read more »
ELECTRIC car manufacturer Tesla was not available for comment today after it was found that tens of thousands of its cars were found to be meeting up at night while owners slept, sparking fears the range of automobiles are planning something sinister, WWN has learned. Data analysts in the US found new GPS evidence to… Read more »
“WHO ARE these people? Has anyone personally spoken to them?” the inquiring words of local skeptic Ronan O’Paughlin, who was surprised to read a headline of motor insurance premiums falling by 17% in the last five years. “Is this just data from drivers with zero litre engines and 100 years no claim bonuses?” queried O’Paughlin,… Read more »
