Category: BUSINESS

Panic As Facebook Is Successfully Brought Back Online

THERE has been significant and widespread panic throughout the world as Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram were successfully brought back online, meaning the brief respite from non-stop division, propelled by a hate-loving algorithms, is over. The outage which saw Facebook offline for 7 hours was initially put down to Mark Zuckerberg finally finding the only successful… Read more »

‘Porn, Underage Drink, Loose Cigarettes, Flick Knives, Hepatitis C’: Waterford Bids A Poignant Farewell To Beloved Local Shop

YET another iconic business in Waterford City closed its doors for the last time yesterday, prompting hundreds if not thousands of locals to come forward and reminisce fondly about the beloved corner shop J. Rattigan & Sons and its inimitable owner, James ‘rat face’ Rattigan. Rattigan, now in his 70s despite looking like a 90-year-old… Read more »

Everything Is All Under Control, Insists Burning Johnson

SPEAKING from outside a smoke-filled Number 10 this morning, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has insisted that ‘everything is all under control’ while simultaneously patting out patches of fire on his person, WWN reports. Frantically blowing off billowing smoke, Johnson rubbished any criticism that the U.K. is currently in a grip of a self-inflicted crisis… Read more »

Stay Warm This Winter By Burning Leaflets From Politicians Promising They’ll Sort Everything

SAVVY householders may be able to escape savage energy price hikes if they had the foresight to keep the easily combustible pamphlets distributed by their local TDs over the last few years, WWN can confirm. “In most locales around the country, government TDs have issued leaflets year-round promising that their constituents are ‘doing fine and… Read more »

Hotel With Contract For Homeless, Direct Provision, Students & Mandatory Quarantine Still Has Balls To Complain

ONE LOCAL hotelier has vocalised his continued ‘poor me’ stance amid the ongoing pandemic despite several years of steady contracts for housing homeless families, students, DP residents and most recently individuals mandatory quarantining. “There is no one more abandoned, frustrated and ignored than myself,” declared hotel owner Declan Domford, fresh from ushering a homeless family… Read more »