“Do You Have A Reservation?” Overly Smug Waitress Asks

SCOFFING at the thoughts of someone arriving at a restaurant unannounced in this day and age, waitress Theresa Riordan shook her head in a disapproving fashion as she opened a black book filled with poorly scribbled names and table numbers before making sure to overly animate checking her watch.

“Look, I’ll need the table back in 17 minutes,” the granddaughter of four told the latest pair of future indigestion sufferers, “will this seat under the stairs be okay?” she half-asked seating the customers anyway, before letting them know that steaks will take at least 20 minutes to prepare so don’t even think about it.

Forfeiting dropping the table a standard jug of water before taking their order, the 28-year-old recommended the 40-euro fish of the day option as it was ‘fast’ and more importantly the most profitable thing on the menu.

“You’ll hardly want a full bottle of wine? we sell it by the glass for just double the cost,” she pointed out, whispering to another staff member to use the corked Chablis in the fridge they keep for walk-ins, “don’t rush at all, you’ve still got four minutes left – take your time”.

Landing the bill on their table with one hand and their two-coats rested over the other, Riordan thanked her newest patrons, reminding them to please book next time to be in with a chance of being treated like normal paying human beings.