Irish Pubs Put On Endangered Species List In Ireland


WITH over three Irish pubs closing every week in Ireland due price gouging from energy companies and the ongoing lack of government supports, Irish pubs in Ireland have been put on the endangered species list, WWN has learned.

Proverbially standing at the shore with a life buoy watching hundreds of small businesses drown, Minister for Finance Michael McGrath pondered throwing a lifeline to Ireland’s most visited tourist attraction before hesitating.

“Someone should probably help these small family owned businesses out,” said President of the Eurogroup and Minister for Public Expenditure, National Development Plan Delivery and Reform, Paschal Donohoe TD, whose title is seemingly just that, a title, “if it’s any consolation, large investment firms will swoop in and convert all these old pubs into apartment blocks and rent them back to the State for extortionate rates – same for the 50 odd restaurants closing every month alongside small retail shops,” he added, before drifting off into a day dream about a future big wig job in Brussels.

As uncertainty festers among thousands of small businesses across the island over Covid-era warehousing tax, wage increases, extra sick days and the cost-of-living crisis, profiteering energy companies, banks and investment funds have coincidentally posted bumper profits for Q4 2023, not that anyone else below the bread line will see a knock on to the consumers.

“We should probably gift energy companies more credits and pretend to the people we’re actually giving them the money,” McGrath suggested to Donohoe, before breaking for a State-sponsored two-hour lunch.