Oscar Nominations In Full

THERE were some surprise inclusions and shocking omissions revealed by hosts, actors Jack Quaid and Zazie Beetz. Read all those astonishing nominations below, which include some historic firsts:

Lifetime Achievement In Cinema – Dave Kelly, who used the explosion in Oppenheimer as the perfect cover for his massive fart.

Best Thrusting Of Penis Into Soil At Graveside – Barry Keoghan

Best Sexist Take On Why That Person Shouldn’t Have Been Nominated – That guy on Twitter complaining about Barbie

Best Actor Award For Pretending It Isn’t Committing Genocide – Israel

Achievement In Make Up – Donald Trump (a record 9th nomination in this category)

Best Original Point Scoring – Fine Gael blaming the housing crisis on Sinn Féin

Best Short Film – that BBC News host giving the finger to the camera.

Achievement In Visual Effects – the Kardashians

Best WTF Am I Watching – Poor Things

Achievement In Putting People Off Ever Going To The Cinema Again – whoever is in charge of pricing cinema popcorn.

Just, Like, The Best – Cillian Murphy