US Republicans Cut Off Ears In Show Of Solidarity With Trump

THE CONVENTION room floor at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee was dotted with drips of blood as a growing number of Republican politicians choose to cut their ears, some choosing partial segments, others the whole thing in a bid to show solidarity with Donald Trump.

A makeshift ear-defacing concession stand was doing a roaring trade as delegates queued patiently for ‘The Donald Ear’, as Republicans fearful Trump may consider himself a hideous human being, for reasons other than his character and morals, sought to make him feel less of a ‘freak’.

“I always said, didn’t I Ted, that whatever part of your ear is missing after the shooting, was always the annoying part of the ear anyway, completely superfluous,” an excitable vice-president pick JD Vance said as he and Ted Cruz descended on Trump to show off their mutilated ears.

Nearby pharmacies are said to have completely sold out of sanitary pads as Republicans sought to emulate their chosen one and stem the bleeding on their ears.

“No this is the opposite of a cult, a cult would just blindly follow theur leader and carry out all his deeds whereas we all decided to do this independently to gain his approval which is really much more rational,” said senator Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Elsewhere in Milwaukee, crowds have gathered outside a hospital for a second night after an infant was born there with .0001 millimetre missing from top of their right ear, with many believing the child’s birth to be a sign sent from Trump himself.