Highly Intelligent Man Threatens To Kill Leader Of Political Party With Historic Links To IRA
A MAN believed to operating on an intellectual level mere mortals could only ever dream of has taken to social media to issue a death threat to Mary Lou McDonald, most widely known in Ireland for being the leader of Sinn Fein, erstwhile political wing of the IRA.
“Time and circumstance has robbed me of being able to observe Einstein in the very moment he cracked the theory of relativity, but watching this guy operate is what I’d imagine it would have felt like,” said one observer, watching the clip of the man videoing himself in a room that matches an identical room a man filmed himself in without a balaclava on while wearing the same clothes.
In the clip, the emerging titan of philosophy, cultural theory and public intellectualism, urged the mob present at the former Crown Paints factory in Coolock to slit Drew Harris’s throat while stating “see that Mary Lou? I’ll shoot her meself, for free. I’ll do her for free, I will”.
“Issuing death threats to someone who, if you are to believe some people, has the old IRA army council on speed dial, is the sort of decisive deep thinking that always alludes me in my own life, I’m jealous,” offered another observer.
Offers of work have come flooding into the balaclava brandishing brain box (who has already been identified online as a serial court attender and conviction collector), with many pinning their hopes on him to solve the biggest issue of our times.
“Climate Change, how do we get the co2 farts back in a cow’s arse? Only he can crack that. They want him to finish the Children’s Hospital, the Metrolink is his to oversee if we can get in touch with him. Elon Musk wants him for one of his knob rockets, he’s in more demand than brain cells at asylum seeker accommodation burning,” confirmed one member of Mensa.
Elsewhere, the IRA have said they would love to meet with the man if only to show him how to make a balaclava that doesn’t make you look like an utter gobshite.
Meanwhile, in news that will comfort those worried the Irish police force is ill-equipped to deal with such threats the Irish Mirror reports Leo Varadkar was the target of an assassination plot in 2020 and that no one involved has been arrested.