Category: WORLD NEWS

UK To Party Like Death Toll Only 1999

THEY say 30,000 daily cases, mainly Delta, party over; but contrary to this advice the UK is to press ahead with lifting of all restrictions in the country on the 19th of July, as if the Covid death toll were much less than 128,000 souls, WWN can report. “I was dreaming when I said we… Read more »

Donald Rumsfeld Is In Heaven, Insists CIA Report

DESPITE little to no evidence that such a thing is possible, leading figures within the CIA have insisted that former secretary of defence Donald Rumsfeld is currently in heaven following his permanent neutralisation at the age of 88. Mr. Rumsfeld, who always claimed to have created a ‘more stable and secure world’ by invading Iraq… Read more »

Warm As Fuck These Days, Scientists Confirm

REPORTS of record-breaking temperatures from around the world from North America to Iraq has led scientists to confirm that their worst fears are being realised; it is, and will continue to be for some time, fierce warm out there. The spike in temperatures, which saw a rise in deaths in Canada as well as power… Read more »

“Sack Him? I’m Fucking Promoting Him!”

“CAN SOMEONE be health secretary, a Lord and super-deputy prime minister at the same time? Chancellor of the I-just-had-sex-with-her? There aren’t enough promotions in the world” a beaming and proud Boris Johnson was heard proclaiming within the confines of No.10 Downing Street. “Fuck it, we’re in need of a new Duke of Edinburgh, right? And… Read more »