Category: WORLD NEWS

Truss Has ‘Only Days Left’ To Finish Off Britain

WITH newly installed Chancellor-until-next-week Jeremy Hunt reversing the vast majority of tax cuts she recently heralded with much fanfare, political experts are suggesting Liz Truss has just days to finish off Britain before being forced into resigning. Despite stating she will only accept a P45 from the ghost of Margaret Thatcher herself, Truss is running… Read more »

Could Storing Cow Farts In Bags And Sending Them To Space Save The Planet?

SCIENTISTS at Trinity College Dublin have today successfully sent over 4 thousand methane filled bags of cow flatulence into space, which they believe could be the way forward in tackling climate change in farming rich nations. The team of researchers travelled to county Tipperary this week where they have begun harvesting bovine emissions with second hand plastic… Read more »

World Okay With Annihilation, To Be Honest

PRESIDENT Biden’s stark warning that the world is ‘at its closest to nuclear Armageddon since the Cuban missile crisis’ has been surprisingly met with a positive response from billions of people who just want this whole thing over and done with, if they’re honest. “I’ve been hearing about this since I was five-years-old, so you… Read more »

Queen’s Month’s Mind Already

YOU didn’t find that long coming around, did you? This weekend marks the one-month anniversary of the death of the Queen of England, and close friends and family are being invited to a small ceremony in the local chapel with refreshments afterwards in the adjoining hall. “Just a few swan sandwiches served on the naked… Read more »

Goldfish Would Kill Itself If It Could

“YOU try being on your own for two years swimming in circles around a bowl full of your own excrement being fed once every few days without being able to top yourself – I yearn every waking second for the sweet release of death,” local goldfish Charlie stated today. Ripped from an oxygenated pet shop… Read more »