ICC Confirms It Has Functioning Eyesight


PROSECUTORS at the International Criminal Court have been told that they can put off their eyesight test for at least another 12 months after they asked the ICC to issue a number of arrest warrants, including one for Benjamin Netanyahu who they contend has committed the crime of starvation of a people as well as extermination and murder of Palestinians.

“Yup, we have eyes,” confirmed prosecutors who have charged Israel’s minister for defence Yoav Gallant alongside Netanyahu for orchestrating hell-on-earth in Gaza, while issuing separate charges for Hamas’ Yahya Sinwar for his role in the October 7th massacre and subsequent kidnapping of hundreds of Israelis.

“We just used our eyes,” stressed prosecutors when pressed by mystified western media outlets as to what masterful levels of deduction and intelligence they used which has prevented sections of the media from calling what is unfolding a genocide.

Were ICC judges to grant the arrest warrants, Netanyahu has complained the number of countries he can holiday in would be greatly hindered which is the ‘greatest crime of all’.

Elsewhere, opticians confirmed that US politicians have tested en masse for a rare congenital eye condition called ‘selective blind eye turning’.

UPDATE: The ICC has belatedly apologised for booking in laser eye surgery on the same day George Bush’s administration pretended Iraq had weapons of mass destruction as justification for launching an invasion.