Category: WORLD NEWS

“We’re Taking This Seriously” Johnson Confirms From Pub, 6 Pints In

“WE’RE making every effort to limit this spread, businesses will be supported, just practice social distancing,” confirmed UK PM Boris Johnson, who is now conducting all Covid-19 related emergency briefings down his local, The Winchester, such is his festering nonchalance. Acutely aware of how much of a positive impact his behaviour and communications could have… Read more »

The Trump Guide To Handling A Pandemic

THANKS to president Donald Trump America has moved from a status ‘this is a non-existent problem made up by the evil leftie socialists to scare the stock market’ two weeks ago to ‘here’s how to decide which child to eat first when you run out of food’ today. Any world leader looking to replicate the… Read more »

Trump Hails ‘Positive’ Talks With Covid-19

EMERGING from a fresh meeting, a pale US president Donald Trump coughed and spluttered his way through the welcome news the entire world was waiting for; given the opportunity to simply sit down and talk with the Covid-19 strain of coronavirus, an agreement with the virus to simply voluntarily cease spreading could be achieved. “I… Read more »

Prince Andrew Self-Isolates From Epstein Investigation

A SPECIAL ward has been set up in the east wing of Buckingham Palace for Prince Andrew where he will shut himself away from any further questioning about his relationship with billionaire paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, for ‘as long as it takes’. A briefing document sent to WWN’s Royal Correspondent this morning described the ‘self-isolation’ as… Read more »

Cheltenham To Go Ahead With Just The Horses

AFTER much deliberation over whether or not the festival should go ahead amid continuing concerns about the Coronavirus, Cheltenham 2020 is about to burst out of the gates with only the most minor, barely-noticeable change to the regular horse-racing action. For the first time in it’s prestigious 160 year history, the Gloucestershire event is to… Read more »