Putin Cannot Thank Netanyahu Enough For Providing Distraction From His Own Ongoing War Crimes


“I WEEP WITH joy at every evil, batshit attack he launches, as each one just pushes my own inhumane terrorism further away from the headlines,” confirmed Russia leader Vladimir Putin of Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu’s insistence at making Putin look almost sane by comparison.

While Putin said it wasn’t ideal that the source of the distraction was Netanyahu’s retaliatory strike on noted Russian ally, Iran, he can’t help but notice how little attention is being paid to Russia’s bombing of Dnipro which killed eight people, including two children.

“Providing a distraction for my crimes, well, that’s one way to get yourself added into the ‘The War Crime Committing Man Club’ WhatsApp group,” remarked Putin, who was really enjoying Netanyahu’s ‘commit war crime first, think second if you think at all’ approach to things.

Such was the recently reelected Russian leader’s delight at how few column inches Ukraine’s struggles were getting these days, even as Volodymyr Zelenskyy pleads with the US from additional funding, Putin thought it was only right to show his appreciation for Netanyahu.

“Is a fruit basket too cliche? I know it’s 2024 but I can’t send a man flowers, I don’t want to risk getting arrested as part of my own crackdown on gay people, do I?” reasoned Putin, who settled on the only thing he suspected Netanyahu would appreciate as a gift, framed photographs of humans suffering.