Pros & Cons Of Having An Irishman As Jury Foreman In Trump Trial


IF AMERICANS felt the future of democracy itself could be on the line during Donald Trump’s criminal trial for falsifying business records to conceal a ‘hush money’ payment to a pornstar he cheated on his wife with, well the addition of an Irish man serving as foreman on the jury certainly throws the Guinness amongst the Bud Lights.

Could the juror, who lives in NYC, is married and works in sales have a positive or negative influence on proceedings? WWN weighs up the pros and cons of having an Irish man on the jury.

Con: Most of his contributions will involve worrying about when they’re breaking for lunch, and if so, can they order now, and make sure there’s a side of coleslaw.

Pro: While his identity must remain a secret whatever village or town his mother lives in, has the most up-to-date gossip relating to the trial.

Con: May be impressed by the cute hoorism displayed by Trump, and conclude ‘he’s a gas man all the same’.

Pro: We can look forward to a 4-hour Late Late Show interview special with the juror soon enough.

Con: Ireland has no history of manifestly corrupt political leaders who rob the public blind and laugh at them behind their backs, so this trial will be hard for him to wrap his head around.

Pro: If you thought Barack Obama Plaza is class, wait until you get a look at the construction-begins-today Irish Lad On Trump Trial Jury Services Station.

Con: Will interrupt proceedings to ask what varnish was used on the wooden benches in the courtroom, and if there’s any going spare can he use it on his shed at home.

Pro: Could greatly reduce the cost and length of trial by declaring ‘what’s the hold up, shure he’s as guilty sin’.

Con: Once he’s made up his mind that’s that. No evidence to the contrary can break through his stubborn desire to never admit when he’s wrong.

Pro: Can use his place on the jury to convince the other eleven jurors to visit Ireland.

Con: Will be unable to resist the urge to shout ‘you can’t handle the truth’ at some point in proceedings.

Pro: Easily identifiable by GAA jersey worn throughout trial.

Con: Unable to suppress the urge to declare ‘fair fucks to him, sure who wouldn’t try it if they had the chance’ as details of Trump’s affair with pornstar Stormy Daniels are discussed.