Category: WORLD NEWS

Taliban Appoint Lena Dunham Head Of Women’s Affairs

ALLAYING the foolish fears of passive Western onlookers’ doomscrolling social media who anticipate unspeakable horrors and repression, the Taliban has confirmed the appointment of Lena Dunham as ‘Head of Women’s Affairs’. “Go woke or go broke,” confirmed the spokesperson, in a move that allowed people to go back about their business, safe in the knowledge… Read more »

“Leaving Somewhere We Invaded Worse Off When We Leave Is The American Way”

AMID harrowing images emerging from Kabul airport and elsewhere across Afghanistan as the Taliban seize power, US president Joe Biden delivered yet another media address filled with dispassionate and incorrect predictions which will come back to haunt him in about 5 minutes time. “Progress is temporary, cowardly abdication of our responsibility is permanent and ever… Read more »

Biden Withdrawal From Afghanistan Added To List Of Great US Military Victories Alongside Arming Bin Laden

AS THE TALIBAN sets its sights on Kabul amid a near total collapse of order in Afghanistan, US President Joe Biden stated his well sign posted withdrawal from Afghanistan stands tall alongside other great US foreign policy decisions like arming the Afghan Mujahideen in the 1980s from which Osama Bin Laden’s Al-Qaeda emerged. “Never let… Read more »

Prince Andrew Consults Mystical Palace Hag For Advice

THE ROYAL family’s personal witch priestess of the woods has warned Prince Andrew not to say or do anything that would incriminate himself ahead of an upcoming sexual assault investigation, while adding that slaying a stallion foal under moonlight before the Autumn equinox ‘wouldn’t hurt’ either. “Dame Hassara de Valentina Muerta hasn’t given an English… Read more »

Governor Who Covered Up Covid Deaths In Nursing Homes Resigns Over Sexual Harassment

AFTER EXHAUSTING all avenues before him including ‘they’re lying bitches’, ‘I have daughters, how could I be a creep?’ and ‘the Gummy Venus Demilo defence’, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo resigned in disgrace, surprising many who thought it would have been the covering up nursing home deaths thing that would do it for him. “Don’t… Read more »

Scientists’ Warning That Humanity Is Basically A Lobster In A Pot Unaware It’s Slowly Being Boiled Alive Just Makes Local Man Want Lobster

A STARK warning delivered in the gravest terms regarding the potential obliteration of humanity has just made one local man really, really hungry, WWN can report. “Oh my God I fucking love lobster, talk about de-li-cious!” local man Sean Rankin said when climate scientists working on the landmark IPCC report pleaded with people of earth… Read more »