Category: WORLD NEWS

Bloomberg Forces America Into Signing NDA, Never Mentioning Failed Election Bid Again

USING the same method he has used to keep former employees from speaking out about his sexual harassment and discrimination, billionaire Michael Bloomberg has locked the American public in a Non-Disclosure Agreement in order to eliminate the chance of someone bringing up his pathetic, embarrassing and reputation-damaging run for the presidency. “I’m sorry, we have… Read more »

Self-Love During Self-Isolation: A Guide

AS the rest of the world continues to fret and fuss over the (admittedly frightening) advance of the Coronavirus, WWN are here to let you know that the government-approved act of self-isolation in the event of contact with the virus may be the best thing that ever happened to you. The recommended two-week isolation period… Read more »

Biden On Course To Lose To Trump In 2020 Election

RAISING A TRIUMPHANT fist in the air to loud cheers from supporters following his victorious sweep of ‘Super Tuesday’, former vice-president Joe Biden said he was humbled by the Democratic party members’ faith in his ability to “lose comprehensively in a depressingly predictable manner to Donald Trump in the November 2020 Presidential Election”. A roaring… Read more »

Everything You Need To Know About Joe Biden

THE Former vice-president of America and senator Joe Biden has seen his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination receive a lift after winning the Democratic primary in South Carolina. Here’s everything you need to know about 77-year-old Biden: Earned the nickname ‘The White Obama’ from himself. Has a long and storied career in the senate,… Read more »

Johnson Announces Fiancé Pregnant With First Child He Cares About

SEVERAL battle-hardened former war journalists were forced to leave a press conference earlier this morning after falling ill, as Prime Minister Boris Johnson went into excruciating, intimate detail about how he gave his girlfriend Carrie Symonds ‘a gosh darn good knocking up’. Johnson, 55, and Symonds, 24 years younger than that, had announced their pregnancy… Read more »

All Other News Suspended Over Coronavirus

THE National Union of Journalists in conjunction with the Associated Press have today announced a global suspension of all news and media that does not refer to the Covid-19 virus with immediate effect in a bid to protect other news from contamination, WWN can confirm. News stories ranging from natural disasters to cute fluff pieces… Read more »

ALERT: Americans With Coronavirus Symptoms Are Being Asked To Cough Directly Onto President Trump

US HEALTH officials grappling with containing the spread of the Coronavirus have issued a number of emergency alerts to citizens in an effort to keep the public up to date and informed on the troubling disease. Chief among the alerts was an appeal for all those experiencing symptoms associated with Coronavirus such as fever, coughing… Read more »