Link Found Between Understanding How Fucked World Is & Not Wanting To Get Out Of Bed

A GROUNDBREAKING study has concluded that anyone possessing a passing interest in the current state of the world and the fate of humanity finds it hard to get out of bed in the morning, WWN can reveal.

“Fuck sake, not another day of this bullshit,” confirmed 99% of participants in the study upon waking up, as they were observed by a team mapping out their sleeping patterns and readiness to attack the day in the face of ‘unrelenting world-fucked-ness’.

Researchers from the Imperial College of London confirmed that while those with the empathy levels to allow horrifying news from across the world enter their consciousness feel glued to their beds in the mornings, there was one small group that was faring much better.

“More illuminating is the fact rich billionaires dismantling our way of life and politicians facilitating their profit chasing whims actually wake up at the crack of dawn without the aid of an alarm or 30 pushes of the snooze button. It turns out from what we can gather, that when you’re excited about destroying the world, it doesn’t feel like work at all,” confirmed lead on the study professor Henrietta Price.

The study revealed on average, participants uttered a total of 47 expletives upon opening their favoured news application on their phones with similar levels for anyone who made the mistake of checking a work email.

“Our conclusions are clear, if it takes the equivalent force of a jumbo jet to pull you out of bed, you may be one of the few sane people left in world,” concluded professor Price.