SpaceX Shelves Mars Colony Plans To Relocate Epstein-Linked Elites To Moon Instead

ANNOUNCING the decision to park its long-promised mission to colonise Mars, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk has revealed plans to instead construct a lunar settlement designed specifically for elites named in the Epstein files.

The billionaire confirmed the company had shifted focus away from Mars in favour of building what he described as a ‘safe space’ on the Moon for his closet friends.

“We’re… yeah… there’s just a lot going on right now,” Musk said, dabbing sweat from his forehead to polite, confused applause from SpaceX staff. “So we’re pivoting. To the Moon.”

Much like Musk’s social media platform X, the proposed lunar city would operate as a lightly regulated environment where residents would be free to do ‘whatever they want’ without scrutiny.

“We’ll probably rename it something cool,” Musk continued. “X-Star. Like Star Wars. But more… free.”

According to Musk, the settlement would offer wealthy residents ‘privacy’, ‘freedom’, and ‘a complete absence of consequences’ in a zero gravity space.

Interest in the project is already said to be high among global elites, with sources confirming plans for a small human transport chute connecting Earth’s poorest regions directly to the Moon.

“These chutes are strictly for waste disposal from the moon,” Musk clarified. “Just waste going one way. That’s it. Definitely not small brown children being sent up to rich coked up billionaires on the moon… sorry… The X-Star.”

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