Nightmare: Friend You Jokingly Made ‘If We’re Both Still Single By 40’ Pact Looking To Cash It In

“IN NO FUCKING world did I envisage this would ever come to pass,” shared a horrified 39-year-old Fiona Casserly, speaking on the news that someone she made a half-jokey fully-pissed flirtatious ‘pact’ with when in her early 20s is calling for their agreement to be honoured.

“Forty seemed an age away when I said it. Like sure, Damien I could full on see being an unlovable mess left on the shelf age 40, that’s sort of why I said ‘lol imagine we were both single at 40, we should just shack up then’, but me? I’m actually at the peak of my fucking powers,” Casserly explained, after a traumatic encounter at a birthday part of a mutual friend with one Damien McGinty.

Carefully avoiding direct eye contact with Damien McGinty ever since he said ‘d’ya remember we said…’, Casserly, through an intermediary, is attempting to get McGinty to agree to downgrade the previous cast iron legally-binding commitment to ‘let’s meet up twice a year for coffee if we are the only two remaining survivors of a nuclear war’.

“I think I still look great, I’ve everything going for me, I’m a fucking catch but time hasn’t been kind to Damien, time has taken a stick to him and battered him,” Casserly explained.

Casserly’s predicament has led to the Department of What Were You Thinking? to issues new guidelines on such naive declarations.

“Avoid these sorts of phrases at all costs, never say ‘well if I inherited money I’d just give it away’, ‘you’ll never catch me in a soul destroying job like my parents’ and ‘ah yeah sure if there’s nothing else on the go, we should ride in 20 years’ time’,” confirmed a department spokesperson.