Israel Recognises Britain’s Right To The 26 Counties

IN A dramatic retort to Ireland recognising the state of Palestine, Israel has gone one better and officially recognised Britain’s right to the Irish republic’s 26 counties, opening old wounds between the states.

Ireland, Spain, and Norway have announced today they will formally recognise a Palestinian state on 28 May, triggering the immediate response from Israel, which recalled its ambassadors from Dublin and Oslo before childishly claiming Ireland is British.

“Yeah, well we recognise you as belonging to Britain, so there!” stated Israeli foreign minister, Israel Katz, unveiling of a map of Ireland covered in a Union Jack, “Cillian Murphy, Saoirse Ronan, that big bog headed man from the Banshee thing; all fucking English, you pricks”.

Israel has also called for a nationwide ban on the colour green, Guinness and anything that could be conceived as Irish from the Jewish state, with reports of homeowners now dying their grass blue in disgust at the emerald isle’s decision to recognise another state being illegally occupied by an imperial force.