Lovely Spread Expected At Iranian President’s Funeral

AS far as sandwich spreads go at funerals, Iranian officials have said the president’s will probably be one of the most memorable post-funeral eating experiences the world will ever see, including Ireland, writes our Middle Eastern correspondent and Waterford mother-of-six, 64-year-old Kay Reilly. 

Salad cream doesn’t keep well in this weather so I’d be very doubtful they’d be in the mix this evening. No ham sandwiches or cocktail sausages either which is a bit odd, but that’s the Muslims for you.

The tea situation will be interesting as the milk here is absolute cat melogen. The mad hoors use honey to sweeten their tea too so not looking forward to that one bit. The officials here are lovely though, I have to say. Fine strapping lads too – if I was only 50 years younger.

Apparently, they’ll be parading himself around the streets later and doing all that hollering malarky, sure their voices will be bet in the morning. I only seen him opening a dam the other day. Mad how life goes all the same. His poor family must be devastated. Awful way to go, may God rest him. In the middle of a nuclear cold war too. I’m sure they’ll sort it out in the end. Nothing like a funeral to put it all in perspective.

Rumours now there’s a choice of egg and spring onion in the spread later and something called a falafel, which sounds like an Irish argument. Anyway, I hope I don’t have the shits tomorrow. We’ll give him a good send off later.

Great drying here all the same.

Kay.