IDF Soldier To Face Court Martial Over Failure To Hit Daily War Crime Quota


AN IDF soldier risks serving time in a military prison after he was accused of failing to meet his daily quota of war crimes, WWN understands.

23-year-old Private Yoseph Mizrahi was cross examined in Israeli military court today, marking the first time anyone from the IDF has had to answer for their actions in Gaza since the post-October 7th onslaught.

“C’mon Private Mizrahi, the settlers are doing their bit. Did you see the aid convey carrying food to starving Gazans they attacked and set on fire? And the Palestinian driver they almost murdered just for THINKING he was driving aid somewhere? Step it up,” prosecuting lawyer Lieutenant Lavi Cohen argued.

“You know when I search ‘IDF war crime’ on social media, you’re only in like five videos of unimaginable slaughter that would scar any person watching from afar for life, how long have you been missing your quota?” continued Cohen, the likelihood of a conviction looking more and more certain.

Mizrahi defended his low numbers by complaining that targets were simply too ambitious but Cohen pointed out that when the world thinks of the IDF it thinks of bombing hospitals, tanks lasting tents and general cruelty, and that by failing to commit at least ten war crimes a day Mizrahi was bringing the IDF into disrepute.

UPDATE: A deal has been reached whereby Private Mizrahi can avoid prison if he kills five unarmed civilians via sniper rifle in the next 24 hours.