Man Enraged About Just Stop Oil Vandalising Stonehenge Is Going To Be Livid When He Hears About How Fossil Fuel Industry Is Vandalising Entire Planet


A MAN calling for an immediate life sentence for protesters who doused Stonehenge in orange cornflour, is expected to need a lie down when he learns of fossil fuel companies who spend billions on trying to greenwash the devastating damage they cause to the planet.

“That delicate structure has been there for thousands of years, how could someone do that? Hanging’s not good enough for them,” offered concerned local resident Malcolm Smith, whose blood vessels will explode once he hears of what oil executives are doing to the planet, a structure which has housed human existence since the dawn of time itself.

“Make them Just Stop Oilers eat the orange paint, and, and, and how did they get to Stonehenge anyway? Probably using a car, hypocrites,” raged Smith, whose face was redder than the victim of a deadly heatwave.

When informed of the cataclysmic damage done to the spherical orb that is home to Stonehenge, Smith grew even more incandescent with rage.

“Hang on, at least the guys destroying the planet wear suits and have jobs, even if the job is CEO Of Rising Temperatures, whereas this Just Stop Oil crowd, they wear t-shirts with writing on it, no respect!” added Smith.

“It’s a precious megalithic pre-historic structure, Stonehenge today and what next? An orange flare up the King Charles’ arse? You can’t let people get away with that,” concluded Smith, who seemed more than happy to let companies make billions off killing the planet.