Evil Unions Suggest Workers Should Have Enough Money To Live


THERE HAVE been calls, made by Irish businesses, to refer the Irish Congress of Trade Unions to the International Criminal Court over their suggestion that private sector workers should receive between a 4% and 6% pay rise.

“This is madness, the very viability of this company would be at risk if we just blindly rubber stamped something like that,” confirmed one company director, who blindly rubber stamps the decision to update his company car every year, among other benefits.

While the ICTU isn’t the only entity advocating for the largest increase in salaries to come in at entry level positions, business leaders have decried the idea that people should have enough money to live as ‘madness’.

“In my day you were paid in apples, money wasn’t even a thing, and you were happy. In fact you paid your employers, that’s how grateful for a job you were,” confirmed one employer, who has stared evil in the face and it wore the mask of an entry level employee who thought €23,000 isn’t sufficient when you’re renting in Dublin.

“Suggesting you should earn enough in a job to do things other than paying rent or your mortgage is a sign that the fight against communism can never, much like my employees, take a day off”.

Unions have again been forced to deny that their true aim is not securing a 6% increase for private sectors workers but to install the reanimated corpse of Mao Tse Tung as Minister for Murdering Rich People.

“We truly want to give a pay rise this year but with the economic picture is so uncertain we can’t justify it just yet, maybe next year,” confirmed one manager who was telling investors the economic picture is so positive it is raining dividends.