The Upcoming Referendums Explained Poorly In Under 60 Seconds

HERE’S EVERYTHING you need to know:

Ok, right, so basically vote is on 8th of March. We’re pretty sure it’s the 8th anyway. Or are we just confusing it with the 8th amendment referendum? Lol, what are we like.

Anyway, there’s two referendums so they’re referendas. What do you call a bunch fathers voting on the 8th? ReferenDas. Get it?

Right, sorry, what are you voting on exactly? Good question, we outsourced this bit to the experts:

Martin, freeman of Ireland – “Forwarded many times: GEORGE SOROS IS PAYING IRISH POLITICINS TOO DISTROY THE FAMILY UNIT. IF YOU VOTE TO REMOVE THE SPECIAL PLAICE FOR WOMANS IN THE HOME THEN IRISH WOMAN WILL JUST USE SPERM DONORS AND MEN WONT EXIST ANNYMORE PADRIAC PEARS SPINNIGN I N HIS GRAVE!!!”

Aine, journalist from the Catholic Chronicle – “Everyday we stray further from God. ‘Durable relationships’? What empty, meaningless nonsense. Not as empty and meaningless as the religious orders’ promises to engage with the government and pay redress to Mother and Baby Home survivors but that’s obviously not as horrible as giving unmarried partners constitutional rights!”

Leo Varadkar, Taoiseach of Ireland – “Eh, well, ehm, it’s about, eh, can I get back to you on this?”

Terry, from work – “As an unmarried man with children and a long-term live in partner this referendum would solidify my rights and that of my partner but since I joined Telegram there last year my brain’s rotted to the point where I believe this will result in a 5G laser being shone down my urethra as I sleep”

June, woman we spotted on the street in panicked bid to reach our minimum word count – “As someone who would rather gargle glass than look after my ailing mother, any legislation that may improve the rights of carers is poison to me. Vote no!”