Varadkar Shows Harris Dials In Taoiseach’s Office Which Turns Up Property Prices

THE MUCH anticipated ‘transition of power’ meeting between Leo Varadkar and Leo Varadkar Zero Sugar has seen the departing Fine Gael leader show Simon Harris around his office, in a bid to help him to get to grips with how to disappoint the Irish public.

“And anytime you’re looking to increase rents but you’re not sure how, you turn up this dial and then a new misguided policy written by an investment fund’s wet dream magically appears on your desk,” Varadkar explained to Harris as he gave a tour of the Taoiseach’s office.

Varadkar was then forced to reprimand Harris and slap down his hand as the excitable Wicklow TD reached out to tamper with several other dials.

“Jesus Simon, you nearly turned the waiting list for childrens’ scoliosis surgery down to zero. Careful, it’ll take you a while to get the hang of things. C’mere ’til I show you the Mary Lou McDonald dartboard,” said Varadkar, hurrying along the tour on account of being ‘completely fucking done with this bullshit’.

Before finishing up Varadkar gifted Harris a vintage dog whistle and a ‘everything I don’t like is Woke’ handbook which he claimed he didn’t have much use for during his time in office but if Fine Gael were intending on attracting any new voters, Harris might need them.

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