Tragic News: Prince Andrew In Perfect Health

IF RECENT health revelations pertaining to the royal family wasn’t enough this year already, the Palace has confirmed that brother of King Charles, son of the former queen and Jeffrey Epstein stooge Prince Andrew is in perfectly good health. 

Pointing out that you can’t kill a bad thing, Palace sources examined every part of the 64-year-old’s body and couldn’t find any terminal illness which would take the estranged prince’s life within the next few months. 

“Obviously apart from not being able to sweat, Randy Andy will be around for another while it seems,” doctors apologised in a statement issued today. 

With the King announcing his treatment for prostate cancer, Sarah Ferguson battling skin cancer, and more recently the Princess of Wales Kate Middleton revealing she is also being treated for cancer, fans of if-there’s-any-justice-in-the-world were hoping something similar for Prince Andrew, a man who paid a woman £11mn in hush money despite denying sexually abusing her when she trafficked as a teenager by Epstein.

“All we can hope for now is a nasty accident or an assassination; we don’t see him dying of a long and painful death any time soon,” doctors concluded, leaving the majority of the world very disappointed.

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