Coffin Cam, Fintan O’Toole Signed Mass Cards: How RIP.ie Will Change Under Irish Times Ownership

WITH the Irish Times purchasing RIP.ie for an undisclosed sum (€3.75 billion) many death notice addicts have expressed fear that their beloved pastime could change beyond recognition.

WWN has been in touch with Irish Times rep Adriana Acosta Cortez, who helped to clear up some misinformation and inform us on what changes are in store for the Taylor Swift of death notice websites:

Coffin cam – an exclusive camera from inside the deceased’s coffin will be available online for a payment of €5 per coffin.

The Memorial Gifts section of the website will now offer mass cards signed by Fintan O’Toole.

The property supplement on RIP will showcase the most expensive grave sites in Ireland.

In an attempt to keep rival death notice websites such as AhJaysusIOnlySawHimLastWeek.ie and IDidntKnowTheyWereIll.ie from gaining further market share, the newspaper said it will keep RIP free to access.

The ‘tea and sandwiches’ offer on the site will be replaced with ‘oat latte coffee and deconstructed chicken fillet rolls’ premium package.

An exclusive version of The Irish Times’ Pricewatch column will appear on RIP, with the words ‘how fucking much?’ appearing after every quote for funeral director services.

Inside Death – a daily podcast hosted by The IT’s new RIP.ie correspondents, a selection of Ireland’s foremost gossiping Mams.

Dublin based funerals will being given the bulk of the website, with rural notices shoved to the back pages.

A ‘name and shame’ page will be set up on the site, ranking the quality of the spreads at funerals.