Trinity Students Fined €214,000 For Paying Attention In Politics Lectures


TRINITY COLLEGE has been left with no choice but to issue a hefty €214,000 fine to the college’s Student Union after members held a number of disruptive tourist income-sapping protests, sparked in part by the contents of lectures detailing the inequality which serves as the foundations for western economies.

“I always said Sally Rooney and her little Rom-communists books would lead to this!” raged a TCD spokesperson, who insisted students weren’t supposed to take sociology, economics and politics lectures so literally.

“If we had of suspected offering degrees that could potentially educate people on the unfairness of inequality and the sins of capitalism we’d never have allowed it,” added the spokesperson spokesperson, who regretted the fact some students insisted on learning about the intricacies of international diplomacy and the rules that govern it, and calling for them to be enforced.

In a bid to avoid a repeat of students protesting the fact TCD invests in UN-blacklisted Israeli firms, PHD student pay, or the rise in the cost of campus accommodation, it has been rumoured the university’s provost could consider suspending degrees that could lead to students questioning the world around them.

“Philosophy lectures can continue as normal because none of that means anything,” clarified a spokesperson.

Meanwhile, in a WWN yes-or-no poll asking if the public backed student protests over accommodation costs 100% of respondents said ‘typical naive students, wait until they’re in the real world and need to earn not just mooch around doing nothing, never worked a day in their lives, and what’s that haircut about? Good luck being taken seriously with that dangley little ear ring, and him a fella, Jesus the world has gone to the dogs. Softer than an arse made of feathers on a velvet cushion! Parents rich as anything too I’d say. The dogs! Gone to the dogs!’