Asylum Seekers In Ballsbridge Tents Develop Arrogant Sense Of Superiority Within Minutes


FIFTEEN MEN told by the State ‘oops, sorry we cleared out your tents but we’ve no plans on accommodating you anywhere, g’luck’ after being forced to leave a Mount Street encampment have found shelter in a nearby park in Ballsbridge thanks to a church and charity who provided new tents.

“They arrived vulnerable men in desperate need of shelter, food and sanitary facilities but it didn’t take long before they were composing 2,000 word complaints in the neighbourhood WhatsApp about someone parking directly in front of their tent and suggesting their solicitor was looking into the matter,” said one faintly proud Ballsbridge resident.

“Next thing I see, Leinster season tickets just manifested out of thin air and into their hands, and they crossed the road to avoid to me when they saw I was wearing a cheap off-the-rack suit from Dunnes,” added the resident.

Now unconsciously exuding an air of superiority, the men who have since left the area have confirmed a number of odd things began happening around them.

“A man come up to me and added me to board of directors for semi-state body, accountant give me offshore bank account, journalist from Irish Times asks to feature my tent in Irish Times property section, they call it ‘sustainable chic’,” one international protection applicant explained, “I am told Ballsbridge ‘is a vibe’ and I have it. Man who went to Blackrock school many years ago says I am one of them but I say I’m Clongowes, if it not purple and white, it is shite”.

Elsewhere, Simon Harris is said to be shocked being Taoiseach and trying to solve a homeless crisis of his party’s own making is substantially harder than finding the right song for your new TikTok video.