Pretending You Never Heard Of That Celebrity You Fancy, A Guide

“WHO?” – you know damn well ‘who’ bucko and don’t give me that ‘never heard of them before’ malarky, you’re probably scrolling through their Instagram feed every night you perverted freak. We’ve all been there; failing to confirm knowledge of certain individuals who may rile jealous insecurities in your other half can always lead to awkward scenarios, which is why we here at WWN have put together the following article for your attention in the hopes to defuse any future arguments.

Is That Your One/Man From The Thing?

When prompted to engage in a conversation about said good-looking person we would suggest acting as blasé as humanly possible and purposely mistaking where, who and what the famous person is related to. Ask stupid questions like, ‘is that yer one/man from the thing’, or, ‘let me have a proper look now, the name rings a bell alright’. Practice these lines in the mirror but make sure to look as uninterested as possible, even if that good looking person or celeb is on your secret hall pass list.

Don’t Fall For The Trap

“He/she is gorgeous looking, aren’t they?” – this is a trap designed to snare you into admitting that said person is stunning and you would absolutely 100% sleep with them the second your partner isn’t looking in a parallel universe where your conscious and moral compass doesn’t exist. Play it cool, look up briefly from whatever you are doing and glance unimpressed at their image. Give a disgusted facial impression for effect. Exert a solid ‘meh’, or, ‘nah’. Quickly glance back to whatever you were doing and carry on like your fanny is fluttering like a skydiver’s mouth.

Fake A Heart Attack

Now, here us out; faking a life-threatening condition is not ideal but when weighed on the ‘is it worth the argument scales of justice’ then everything is fair game. When confronted simply grasp your chest really hard and fall to the floor while gasping for breath. This will distract your partner enough to forget what they were thinking and spark them into action by calling emergency services. Once safe in a hospital ward you can claim it was indigestion and go home.

Tell The Truth

For fairness and balance, we have to suggest this option but do not advise it.