IRISH death notice website RIP.ie has reported an unusual amount of activity over the past few days resulting from the deaths of hundreds of small to medium sized businesses across the country, which employ the vast majority of the nation’s workforce. The deceased businesses were believed to have succumbed to the Covid-19 pandemic after spending… Read more »
MUSLIM women across the country were left a little bewildered today following news that commuters must now wear face coverings on all public transport or expect fines, WWN has learned. “Oh, so you’ve all finally come round to this face covering stuff, have we? So do you want us to wear face coverings or not,… Read more »
THE SUDDEN cancellation of the routine daily Covid-19 briefing was announced to make way for the reassembly of the Emergency Celtic Tiger Containment Unit for the first time since 2011 as it warned of a lethal second wave of Fianna Fáil, WWN can confirm. “We must suppress this disease in the community, where it can… Read more »
OVER six years since her horrifying honeymoon in Ireland with her husband Kanye West, reality TV superstar Kim Kardashian West has admitted that there are times she lies awake in bed, replaying the ordeal of the Irish midlands over and over in her mind. “She says she can still hear the voices in her head;… Read more »
AS Phase 3 of the government’s 4-phase re-opening of the country kicks into place today, here’s what the nation can finally start doing again after months of Covid-enforced lockdown: 1. All cockfighting, lurching, salmon poaching, off-season hunting, fox-lamping, badger baiting and elk-stabbings can once again take place, hopefully bringing the nation’s wildlife into check after… Read more »
“ALL weekend long, I’ve just had ‘Fiesta’ by The Pogues playing at full blast” beamed a jubilant Simon Harris, his youth flushing back to his cheeks for the first time since taking up the position of Minister For Health in 2016. “Same here, except I was pumping out ‘Sandstorm’ by Darude” giggled former Minister For… Read more »
THE WORLD has breathed a sigh of relief at the news that Dublin based taxi driving immunologist Noel Shields has angrily stated for the umpteenth time this week that their won’t be a second wave, therefore making any expert stating otherwise look utterly foolish, WWN can report. Despite a resurgence of the disease in various… Read more »
OUTGOING FINANCE minister Paschal Donohoe licked his finger and raised it in the sky to appraise the direction of the oncoming wind, his eyes sharpening he confirmed to himself “yup, this mother is about to burn the fuck down”. Unprecedented remarks from the normally mild mannered Dublin TD but these are unprecedented times and Donohoe… Read more »
COMPETING police reform bills are being put forward by the Republican and Democrat parties, with an emphasis on reshaping how policing is thought of in America. Trawling through the bills WWN has gathered some of the stand out reforms proposed which should instantaneously solves all policing issues and systemic racism present in American institutions: The… Read more »
CITING the need to preserve the public’s sanity, health authorities recommend keeping 2 miles away from Liverpool fans for the foreseeable future with no sign that the cautious measure will be lifted within the next 30 years. Liverpool fans are now in the throes of decades long title celebrations after having to wait decades for… Read more »