Tag: instant

Local Dad Has Enough Aftershave, Thanks ​

SPEAKING at a prearranged press conference outside his family home, Waterford man Derek Tracey informed the local and national media that he has enough aftershave in the toilet cabinet right now to last him the rest of his life, and if anyone was thinking of getting him more, “don’t”. The 43-year-old listed off almost a dozen high… Read more »

Using The Taoiseach’s ‘Same Reply’ With Your Epileptic Child

SO YOU’VE spent all your money on your epileptic child’s medicinal cannabis treatments abroad and now they’re asking question after question as to why they have to endure the crippling seizures every time they return home to Ireland? The Taoiseach has all the answers you will need. Q: “Daddy, it’s only morning time and I’ve already had two seizures. Can we go… Read more »

The Fucking Brits Are Really Going To Do It

DESPITE all available facts which should act as a deterrent, the fucking Brits are really entering into the finals stages of creating such a morally bankrupt society that Boris Johnson can waltz into the position of prime minister. Johnson, who has dedicated his life to only providing proof of his insidious ineptitude, finds himself topping… Read more »

3 Ways To Become ‘Known To Gardaí’

THE LIFESPAN of a career criminal is growing ever more brief as the violence that dominates Irish crime means many people’s lives are snuffed out, long before they can make their mark and become properly acquainted with the gardaí. If you were considering pursuing a life in crime, you need not be deterred by the… Read more »