US PRESIDENT Joe Biden has unveiled an official White House lapdog to compliment ‘First Dogs’ Champ and Major, WWN understands. “Oh Boris is very attentive, but sadly not too bright. He does hang on President Biden’s every word though,” shared one official with knowledge of the talking Biden has done towards his new lapdog. Like… Read more »
AN unbroken flow of green traffic lights between Manchester and Liverpool on the way home from last night’s 3-2 FA Cup fourth round defeat is said to be all that prevented Anfield chief Jürgen Klopp from dumping his car and going on an absolute rampage around the city, sources have confirmed. Klopp, known for being… Read more »
ONE LOCAL Krav Maga enthusiast and self-confessed security expert kindly sat down with WWN earlier today and explained how to solve a growing problem faced by retailers; that of belligerent, aggressive and troubling making individuals who refuse to wear masks when shopping. “Lights out, y’know, it’s that simple,” explained Derek Dollins while grabbing an imaginary… Read more »
THE on-again, off-again nature of the 2020 2021 Japan Olympics has left many athletes around the world wondering if it’s worth their while starting their day with an ice-cold litre of bull urine, WWN Sports can report. With Japan adamant that the games will go ahead this year after being cancelled due to the pandemic… Read more »
TRAFFIC cones and shopping trollies across the country have made a joint statement earlier today, stating they would only love to be stolen by students right now, anything to give them a break from the monotony of lockdown, WWN can confirm. Once a go-to item for drunken escapades, a spokesperson for roadside traffic cones made… Read more »
PORTRAYING yourself as the perfect mother or father in a public setting is one of the hardest things you can do when dealing with contrary, anxiety inducing kids who are too dumb to even get the concept of reputation. Choosing the right phrases to say loudly so everyone can hear is key to saving face… Read more »
THE Irish Road Haulage Association has detected a slight hint of sarcasm from the government, who responded to the trucking representative’s pleas for post-Brexit help with a message saying ‘yeah we’ll get right on that’. As members of the IRHA staged a protest at Dublin port today to raise awareness of the significant trouble heading… Read more »
THANKING the Taoiseach and other government representatives for the ‘heads up’, a slightly embarrassed-for-the-government public informed the Taoiseach that they are actually about 4-6 weeks ahead of the government on most Covid-19 related realisations. “No honestly, thanks for letting us know and that, nice to have you fully caught on ike the rest of us,”… Read more »
DUBLIN Gardaí have confirmed the arrest of 12 backstreet doctors and thousands of euros worth of stolen medical equipment in an early morning raid on four premises across the city, believed to be operating as frontal lobotomy clinics, WWN has learned. It is understood the clinics advertised a total memory wipe of last year, with… Read more »